Fear of failure…and here we go again!

31 Jul

My thinking on the GMAT…is that…pretty good measure[s] of what a standardized test can measure which is not your intelligence but your ability to commit to do well on a standardized test. Nobody walks into the GMAT cold. People prepare for these tests.”

Deidre Leopold, Managing Director of Admissions & Financial Aid, HBS

I think the famous HBS director has quite the right idea of it and it is the very reason I am hyperventilating. A poor GMAT score, which is a frightening, but a fairly probable outcome of the last few months of slogging for me, will likely not be indicative of me being dumb. But it would certainly be a damning indictment of my ability to buckle down and focus to get through a standardized test that needs preparation and a high degree of perseverance.

I moved my GMAT date to two weeks later to make sense of my abysmal test scores. That Math is not my main problem here is probably what has me baffled the most. Verbal, seriously? This whole exercise, if nothing else, will be such a ego bruiser the way my Verbal scores are moving. 😐 I think ego is also what is keeping my scores from going up and errors from going down. So clearly a loop that I better break out of and fast. I am practicing, analyzing, re-analyzing, trolling GMATClub for tips, tricks, answer key to the actual test that would turn up in front of me…anything that can work to turn this around. Hopefully it will…right?

In a moment of desperation, I submitted my profile for evaluation with EssaySnark on GMATClub. And for better or worse, they gave me a good chance of getting into my dream school subject to a 690-720 range GMAT score. And while this came with usual disclaimers of essays being on the mark, the earth being at certain angle, and other things within and beyond my control, it also is going to make it feel worse if my GMAT bombs. I appear to have worked hard enough professionally to become a good candidate but it is my ability to get this one standardized test wrapped up with a respectable score which will decide whether I should even both doling out the moolah for the apps that will follow.


Posted by on July 31, 2013 in Future, MBA, Rant, To - do


Tags: , , ,

6 responses to “Fear of failure…and here we go again!

  1. fromgmattomba

    August 2, 2013 at 5:50 am

    I wanted to stop by and say your blog is awesome! The GMAT is terrible, but I look forward to reading about how you beat the tar out of it in the very near future 🙂

    Best of luck!

    • Ellie

      August 4, 2013 at 1:04 pm

      Thank you so much! Hope to see u around more 🙂

  2. Timbob

    August 4, 2013 at 10:22 am

    Good luck on the GMAT, remember preparation is key – not revision, but of yourself! Get a good night’s sleep!

    • Ellie

      August 4, 2013 at 1:02 pm

      Thanks Tim. Hope to join you guys on the other side soon 🙂

  3. Bschool Admit

    August 6, 2013 at 6:17 pm

    all it takes is focus 🙂 make sure you are motivated through out especially on the D-day 🙂 All the best 🙂 hoping to see your “GMAT exp sharing” on GMATCLub (here as well) very soon 🙂

  4. Ellie

    August 7, 2013 at 2:42 am

    Thank you! At this point, I just want to be on the other side. I am so done.


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